Are you a convenience?

Don’t be a convenience to anyone!  You and your time are valuable all the time not just when someone needs you to fulfil their needs. You teach people how to treat you.  If they can call you anytime and you are always available or you are willing to cancel plans just to do what they want they are really not your friend. A true friendship requires both parties needs to  be met.  That means listening to each other and supporting each other.  A friendship requires give and take on both sides. [playbuzz-item url=”//”]  

Should I Reveal her Secrets?

Tee, I recently ended a longtime friendship with a friend and I am still so angry with her that I feel like I should just tell her secrets.  Do you think that is a good idea or should I still keep her secrets? Camille G.  

Hi Camille, I’m sorry that your friendship has ended.  It is always sad when a relationship ends. Most people think ending a romantic relationship is harder than losing a friend but it is just as hard and sometimes harder. Your friend (true friend) is the person who knows the real you.  They know all your secrets, dreams, desires, heartbreaks and a host of other things that you may not want anyone else to know.  Now, that said would you want her to tell your secrets?  Think about that before you do anything.  You didn’t say why your friendship ended but I’m guessing that’s why you want revenge but is it worth it?  Remember the best revenge is living well and letting karma do its job.  Don’t waste the energy or time on getting back at her. Out of respect for those years when you were friends keep those secrets to yourself.  Besides if you do tell she will know you are the one to reveal her secrets.  Do you want that possible altercation or argument?  As the legendary Bob Marley said, “Only your friends know your secrets, so only he could reveal it.”

Frienemies: A Like Story

Frienemies: A Like Story

By Stephen Holmes

 The world lexicon is in perpetual flux. Imagine Snookie drunkenly berating one of her equals or lessers (wrap your mind around that for a moment) while using the Queen’s English. “Thou best not be speaking to me, skank!” Even better, imagine an MLB player being ejected from a game for suggesting the umpire, “Fornicate with your own being and the noble steed on which you were transported!” Good, bad or indifferent, language evolves. As I SMH over all of the endless LOLs, I think of other modern phrases, some I still have to get my nephew to translate… TTYL?… WTF!!!! I understand the term “frienemies” and what it implies, but I just don’t understand the concept.  In a guy’s world (especially guys over 40) there are no frienemies. We don’t even have enemies, we have friends, friends we don’t speak to right now and former friends. Any of the aforementioned categories are just five Jack Daniels away from transitioning to the other. An evening can begin with a few drinks between friends and end up with both bloodied and missing teeth and only transition to “not speaking right now” status. “Former friend” status would have to be invoked with inappropriate advances to ones mother (Jack D. can’t even transition this… a Super Bowl ticket is the only fix for this one). There is only one situation where a man can have a frienemy – peace keeping.  When a man loves a woman he will put up with her friend’s asshole significant other. Whether it’s enduring a dinner as a couple or inviting the offender out with your boys, if a dude wants to get any sleep (or anything else), he will shut down all opinions and suck it up. Oh, it won’t be an easy evening for the asshole, but at least the attempt was made. Male frienemies are rare because, well… we’re not that deep.  Our friendships are very meaningful, but we don’t feel the need to excavate deep beneath the surface.  We believe that problematic situations can be handled by fighting, drinking or avoidance. Is there a problem?  Let’s not talk about it! Women want to analyze the subtext of relationships and give them, sometimes undeserved, nuances.  The over-thinking of friendships causes anxieties which creates new dictionary entries. It’s ironic that Gertrude Stein wrote what should very well be the male motto, “A rose, is a rose, is a rose,”  This was her way of saying, “ it is, what it is,” and how male a concept is that?

Get rid of toxic people and Move On!

It is OK to move on in life. Not everybody in your life is meant to be with you through all of life stages. There are those people who are there to teach you one thing or another and when their time is up acknowledge it and move on. It may hurt to let go but it’s ok. Mourn the loss but move on. Life is for the living. You do not have to keep toxic people reincarnation in your life be it family or friends. You know what is best for you. Remember you only have one life to live even if you believe in reincarnation why not enjoy your current life?

What is a friend?

LaToya Byfield
Is a friend someone you love or  like?
Would you let them ride your bike?
Would you let him or her in your home?
Would you let them use your comb?
Would you help him up when he stumbles along the way?
Or would you look away?
Would you share your eats?
Or selfishly hide your treats?
Do you have belly laughs and cheer each other up when you’re blue?
When you argue are you completely through?
Do you smile when she’s around?
Or does she make you frown?
Does your heart feel light when he’s in your sight?
Does her presence make everything bright?
Did I make you think about people you know?
Do you now know who is your foe?
Some people think frenemies are cute it’s more like pulling a tooth!   
Who wants an enemy that is a friend? On that I will not bend!
An enemy is an enemy not a friend.
A true friend is with you through thick and thin and often makes you look within.
Jealousy does not compute. A true friend will always tell you the truth!
Love, Laughter and trust, all of these are a must!
Without them your friendships are a bust!
To make those friendships true all of this I hope you knew.  
I hope you learned something today.
A true friend will never go away!

Time Management

Take time to appreciate your friends. A simple phone call, or text saying “hello” or “how are you?” sometimes is enough.   Remember your friends have their own lives to live and even though everyone is busy it is important to make your friends know you care and you are thinking about and appreciate them.

Friend of the Year!

I’m so glad to have found this site. So often we have great friends but we do not get to show our appreciation of their friendship. I want to say thank you to my best friend Lisa for being the very best friend anyone could ask for. Lisa is the kind of friend everyone should have. She was there for me when my mom had a rare form of cancer and died. She listened to me when I had to vent and listened when I had no words. We laughed and cry together. When I feel depressed I can call her and tell her about it. We share our successes and failures with each other and we never judge each other. We are each other’s counselors.:)  She helps to keep me sane. We are like two peas in a pod. If you had a best friend award I would nominate her for one. Lisa Johnson, I love you like a sister. You are the very best friend anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for being my friend. — Jennifer S. Toronto

I AM as smart as you – Maybe even smarter!

I thought Wayne was my best friend until I had a change in my financial status. I left my job to start my own business but it is a struggle. I just had it with corporate America and wanted to do my own thing. I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. After 2 years it was still slow going especially because the economy tanked and people didn’t have as much money to spend. I noticed Wayne started acting funny and making sly comments about people leaving their job without having another (he is a corporate brownnoser and love the games of corporate America which is fine for him but it’s not my thing). He even went so far as to speculate with our mutual friends about how I’m living and not in a good way. Then he would call me less and less and only calls when he has a new gadget or job to brag about. Another year went by and I realized it was really bugging him trying to figure out how I was surviving because I never complained about money or borrowed money from him. He started asking mutual friends if they lent me money. I’ve known him for 19 years and never even borrowed a quarter. I am the type of person that if I can’t afford something, I’ll do without. I don’t have a problem asking for help when I need it but I don’t like borrowing money or asking for unnecessary favors. He finally couldn’t take it anymore and one day asked me how I’m doing it. “So how long did you save up to do this business, James?” “Did you save for 5 years? “ “Did you save in percentages or what?” He asked some other questions I don’t even want to mention but when he finally popped and asked me these things it made me wonder if he forgot we both went to and graduated from the same University. Normally these questions would be ok but his behavior made me realize somehow he didn’t think I was as smart or capable as him. You see he wants to start his own business but have not yet done so. I feel like dude we both have our degrees and even if I didn’t, it doesn’t mean that I am not capable of doing more than working in an office. I haven’t totally written him off but I don’t share like I used to. Funny how money or the lack of it, change the way people treat you. I just had to get this off my chest. Thank you About Your Friends! — James G. – NYC


Can you tell who your True friends are?  Need help to figure it out?  Or do you have a great friendship story you would like to share?  We are all friends here and we love friendship stories, good, bad and everything in between. is the place to share your stories, get advice on how to be a good friend and to learn boundaries. We also offer great gifts at an affordable price.