Can You Keep a Friend by Betraying Another Friend?

Dear Tee: I have two very close friends let’s call them Kelly and Bianca and our friendship is now stressing me out because Kelly told me a secret and Bianca now wants to know what it is. I feel like if Kelly wanted her to know she would have told her. Now Bianca is demanding that I tell her and threatening to end our friendship if I don’t tell her. I don’t want to lose either of their friendship because they are both good people but I just don’t think it’s right for me to tell anyone what Kelly told me. What kind of friend would I be if I told? What do you think I should do and can I save both friendships? Can I keep a friend by betraying another friend?

Ashley L.


Tee: Ashley, that is a great question. Can You Keep a Friend by Betraying Another Friend? A better question is why should you put your integrity at risk for her? Here are a few other questions you must ask yourself. How would she feel if the situation was reversed? Would she be ok with you telling her secret? Why is she so desperate to know Kelly’s secret? Why not ask Kelly herself? I get it, we as people like to know things and hear all the juicy gossip about others but that doesn’t make it ok to break a promise.

You must consider this, why does she think it’s ok to ask you do betray Kelly? It is not ok for you tell anyone Kelly’s secret. Unless it’s about her safety, she’s being hurt then you go to someone who can help. Otherwise it’s best to keep it to yourself. Why should you jeopardize your friendship with Kelly? You may not be able to save the friendship with Bianca. After-all, she’s asking you to do something you feel is wrong.

Don’t lose yourself for anyone else. Do not do something you feel is wrong. You have to live with yourself afterwards. Also, once you tell her, Bianca will probably look at you differently. She may not trust you after this because she’ll think about how easily you to gave in and told her even though she’s the one that pushed the issue. Do what you think is right and if Bianca doesn’t understand that then maybe she doesn’t deserve your friendship.


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