I have a serious problem. I have a very lazy friend who doesn’t want to do his own homework. I was supposed to be a homework helper not the homework doer. We’re in the same class and he always wants me to help him with his homework but then I end up doing all his work. I’m tired of this and want to put an end to it. How can I do that without hurting his feelings?
Tee: Mark, why you are worried about hurting his feelings? He knows what he is doing. This is exactly why he’s taking advantage of you. It’s ok to be nice but you can be too nice. People will take advantage of you because you won’t say no. Learn to say no. It’s easy. Practice if you have to. If you’re doing his homework when do you have time to do yours? How are your grades? You have to think about you and your future. You should help your friends but helping means just that. It doesn’t mean you take over and do his job for him. Talk to him and tell him you can’t do his homework for him anymore. If he needs a tutor then he needs to tell his parents and have them help him find one. This is a life lesson for you it is ok to say no even to people we love. There is nothing wrong with that.
Tee: They are both important and both are necessary in any relationship. I would say honesty is more important. Why you say? Well you can respect someone and still lie to them but if you are honest then the truth will be revealed which includes whether or not the person respects you. Remember how someone treats you tells you how they feel about you. It goes back to the old saying, “Action speaks louder than words.” People can tell you “I love you” all the time but do they treat you like they love you? Words are just that, words; but actions? Now that tells you the truth. That said, one should not use “being honest” as an excuse to deliberately hurt someone.
Tee, I recently ended a longtime friendship with a friend and I am still so angry with her that I feel like I should just tell her secrets. Do you think that is a good idea or should I still keep her secrets?
I’m sorry that your friendship has ended. It is always sad when a relationship ends. Most people think ending a romantic relationship is harder than losing a friend but it is just as hard and sometimes harder. Your friend (true friend) is the person who knows the real you. They know all your secrets, dreams, desires, heartbreaks and a host of other things that you may not want anyone else to know. Now, that said would you want her to tell your secrets? Think about that before you do anything. You didn’t say why your friendship ended but I’m guessing that’s why you want revenge but is it worth it? Remember the best revenge is living well and letting karma do its job. Don’t waste the energy or time on getting back at her. Out of respect for those years when you were friends keep those secrets to yourself. Besides if you do tell she will know you are the one to reveal her secrets. Do you want that possible altercation or argument? As the legendary Bob Marley said, “Only your friends know your secrets, so only he could reveal it.”
I recently saw my friend’s boyfriend kissing another girl at the movies. Should I tell her? Now here’s the thing we’ve been friends for 5 years and we are the best of friends but I don’t know if I should tell her or not. What if she gets mad at me for telling her? I don’t know what to do. Help!
Megan, if this is really your best friend then you should not be afraid to tell her the truth. Some of the qualities of friendship, a true friendship, are honesty, and trust. If you have those in your friendship you should not worry too much or be afraid to tell her. In the past people had a tendency to “kill” the messenger but that is no longer the case.:) If you are telling the truth then you haven’t done anything wrong. There are some things to keep in mind though. She will be mad and maybe at you at first. Sometimes people get mad at the people they love because they know it’s safe to do so because that person will love them no matter what. There is also something else to consider. If this guy is cheating on her then there is a risk of her getting some type of sexually transmitted disease. Another thing is that he will definitely be mad at you as well so be prepared for that. They may break up or she may forgive him and he will always hold it against you which may ruin the friendship. If you do not tell her and she finds out later that you knew then will be mad at you. No matter what your friend will be upset. This will most likely be a true test of how strong your friendship is. If you really trust each other your friendship will survive this. This is just my opinion but you know the type of friendship that you have so ultimately it is up to you what to do because you have to live what happens if you tell or if you do not tell.
This is my first year in college and my roommate has her boyfriend sleeping over but she never asked me if this is ok. So far we have been getting along but I am not comfortable with this guy in the room with me. Should I tell her?
– Suzanne J.
Tee: Of course you should say something. Her behavior shows a lack of respect for you. Also, you don’t know this guy. Your safety is important too. Sit her down and tell her how you feel. It is not ok for a strange man to be in the room with you especially without your approval. I understand you want to have a good relationship with your roommate but you have to feel comfortable and safe in your room and the only way to do this is to be honest with her.